Mum’s NOT the word*

Okay, so lately we’ve been talking a lot about evangelism at church (who’da thunk!?) and I sense a lot of our youth getting very uncomfortable. Now, I remember feeling the exact same way when I was their age, and it still gets me sometimes. But as Christians, we are all called to evangelize. I mean…it’s kind of a big deal!

So we’ve got an event coming up that we are taking our Ecuador mission team to, called GameDay (by Dare2Share ministries). It’s basically a youth event all about evangelism training. I am really excited about it! I know our youth are going to learn so much, and I am glad that they are going – even despite much trepidation.

When I was in youth, I remember feeling a bit forlorn about how to “evangelize”…that word is just a little intimidating! And I don’t think I ever learned how to do it until I was in India.

Wait, what? India?

Yep. It wasn’t until I took a trip overseas with a program that trained me to evangelize that I realized how easy it could be! And I did it!

Hence my excitement for this training event. I think the youth will be surprised at how easy it can be to talk to their friends and family (and strangers even!) about the gospel.

Anyway, this post was supposed to just be me posting a link to a cool little blog I read about sharing the gospel through Natasha Bedingfield’s song, “Pocketful of Sunshine”**…but I can never just post a link, can I?

So, here it is!

http://www.simplyyouthministry.com/gregs-thoughts-62.html

 

 

 

 

*unless you’re talking about MUMford & Sons…in which case, that’s a pretty good word.

**Written by somebody who works at Dare2Share! (Jeannae Flageolle)

There is power in the Word

As I mentioned in my last post, I’ve been praying for God to teach me faith. I realize now that that is a dangerous thing to ask, but I know it is worth it. Maybe, like Job, that means I will have to persevere through every kind of imaginable hardship known to man. Am I ready for that kind of hardship? Am I ready for that kind of faith? Maybe not, but I do want it.

Tonight, I was told by a friend to read Romans 5:1-5. It starts off “Therefore”, though, so I backed up to Romans 4. This is what I read:

“In hope [Abraham] believed against hope, that he should become the father of many nations, as he had been told, “So shall your offspring be” (Gen. 15:5). He did not weaken in faith when he considered his own body, which was as good as dead (since he was about a hundred years old), or when he considered the barrenness of Sarah’s womb. No distrust made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, fully convinced that God was able to do what he had promised. That is why his faith was ‘counted to him as righteousness’. But the words ‘it was counted to him’ were not written for his sake alone, but for ours also. It will be counted to us who believe in him who raised from the dead Jesus our Lord, who was delivered up for our trespasses and raised for our justification.” (Romans 4:18-25)

Wow. There are so many things in this passage that stick out to me! Abraham believed in hope- AGAINST hope. Even though there was no hope to speak of, he believed in hope. When everything’s stacked against me, do I have that kind of unwavering hope?

And then there’s his own shortcomings. He knew he wasn’t a spring chicken…knew it was near impossible that he and his barren wife could conceive. But he also knew that God could do anything.

I didn’t just know…he was fully convinced.

How often do I hold myself back from being “fully convinced”? When I pray, am I totally positive that God is going to answer and do something amazing? No. I don’t think so. WHY?! Man…that just bugs me!

Who am I to limit the Creator of…everything? Where is my faith? In the past, I think I have experienced a similar hope…in spite of difficulties and trials, I have hope that things will turn out right. But do I have faith that something amazing will happen? That God will do it?

Maybe all this time I’ve confused the two. I really want to start to understand the faith of Abraham more…in my life. Even though I know that’s a difficult path to walk down, I want to walk it.

Which brings me back to Romans 5:1-5.

“Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into his grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” (Romans 5:1-5)

Even though this journey we’re on as believers in Christ is not easy, and we are sure to suffer, it’s so encouraging to read God’s plan for our sufferings: that they would produce endurance, character, and hope. That we have the Holy Spirit…God’s love…to get us through anything.

In light of this passage, I know that this testing of my faith is worth it.

Lord, please teach me to have the kind of faith that Abraham had. Unwavering. Unflinching. Unapologetic. Hopeful. Strong. Fully convinced. No matter what it takes, God. This is my prayer. Amen.

Be careful what you pray for (or, The Worst First Day of School Ever)

I’m sitting here eating a large bowl of chicken noodle soup after what was quite possibly the worst first day of school ever.

I’ve been sick since I got home from Atlanta, and this morning, I woke up much worse, with a very bad ear ache to accompany my sore throat and extremely congested sinuses. Right now I still can’t hear out of my right ear.

However, despite this illness, I got out of bed, took a shower, and tried to have a quiet time. As I tried to read some Ephesians through my sickly distraction, I prayed that God would teach me faith. Now I realize that I really had no idea what I was asking.

It was a miracle that I got to school, because I don’t think I’ve ever had so much trouble staying awake while driving (my classes are in Cocoa, so it was a good drive to get there). When I got to campus, there was nowhere to park, so I parked across the street for a few minutes to rest (I was early) before trying to find a spot.

Finally, I got a fairly decent parking spot. But once I got out of my car, a bee decided to grace me with his presence by flying in through my open door. Now, I’ve never been stung by a bee or a wasp, so I can’t say for certain that I am not allergic. There was no way I was leaving this car with a bee in it. So I proceeded to run from door to door of my car trying to coerce the insect out. Finally, I got him cornered and (rest his soul) smashed him with a plastic-wrapped set of paper plates.

Class itself was actually pretty interesting, and I think I will enjoy this semester. I also got out quite early, so that was a plus. I headed home, all the while calling around trying to get a doctor’s appointment and letting my boss know I couldn’t make it to work. By the time I got home, I still had no doctor’s appointment, and greeted my dad and older sister with tears of frustration/pain. I needed a hug.

So, my saint of a sister, Chelsea, drove me around town until I finally found a doctor who would take my new health insurance. I got in, got a prescription, and headed to Walgreens to wait for my meds. While sitting next to a surprisingly chatty old lady (she had just had 6 teeth pulled!), I got a phone call from the guys repairing my laptop. This is when I got the news that my loyal lappy was officially pronounced dead at 3:24pm on January 9th, 2012. (may he rest in peace)

I forgot to mention that I cannot afford a new laptop, much less a doctor’s appointment/medication. Currently, I am not even sure I can afford this semester of school. So at this point in the day, I was done. All I wanted was to pay too much money for some pills, go home, and sleep until I felt better. I didn’t want to think about school, or money, or health insurance, or what laptop to buy.

Thankfully, I finally made it home around 4:00pm and was able to fall asleep for a few hours. Which brings us to now – me eating chicken noodle soup, and writing about a horrible day.

I don’t write this to get pity from any of the few people who will read this. Rather, I write it because I realized today that God was teaching me faith the whole way through. Faith in His provision. And, even though I get stressed out too much, I can honestly say that I do believe He will provide for me. Maybe not tomorrow, like I wish He would…but He will always give me what I need when I need it. And He always has.

So, remembering the ways in which the Lord has provided for me every day, I have faith that He will continue to do so in His timing. Thanks, God. <3

Faith

Faith. Do I really have it?

I know that I trust God. My heart is confident of His goodness…that He works everything for good.

But faith goes beyond simple trust, doesn’t it? It’s more than knowing everything will be okay. It is wholeheartedly believing that something amazing can and will happen. Something impossible. Something unbelievable.

In Matthew 21, Jesus explains to His disciples that, when they truly have faith, and no doubt, they can do anything. They can even move MOUNTAINS.

Mountains.

I don’t think He’s speaking metaphorically, as so many of us like to imagine. No, I think Jesus is speaking quite literally of walking up to a mountain, telling it to get out of the way, and watching it go! Hard to imagine? Are you trying to picture it?

What about the parting of the Red Sea? Pillars of fire? Sleeping lions? Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego walking unscathed out of a fiery furnace? A man born blind seeing? He did all of those things, and more. He rose from the dead! Why does it seem crazy to us that He could literally move a mountain?

So what would you do if you had that kind of faith?

Personally, I would see my lost friends come to Christ and live passionately and joyfully for Him. Yes, even the ones who hate everything to do with church. Yes, that guy that parties like nobody’s business and the one who makes fun of me for believing in God. All of them.

I’d see my parents give up smoking.

I’d see every need provided for, regardless of job or income or status.

I’d see a generation of people standing boldly for Christ and changing the world for the better. Loving each other like we were called to do, instead of getting caught up in trivial things that hold us back. Unified, not divided.

I’d see myself leading someone to the Lord for the first time.

I would wait patiently for the amazing plan God has for my life, as He continues to slowly reveal it to me in His perfect timing.

 

There are so many things that I feel I pray for that I don’t fully believe God will do. But I realized something this week…nothing is too difficult for Him! I knew  it all along, but did I really believe it? Did I really have faith that the God who created the universe wants to do something amazing in and through my life? That He loves me that much?

I think I am finally starting to. I have such a long way to go, but boy am I starting to understand.

¹⁸ In the morning, as he was returning to the city, he became hungry. ¹⁹ And seeing a fig tree by the wayside, he went to it and found nothing on it but only leaves. And he said to it, ”May no fruit ever come from you again!” And the fig tree withered at once.

 ²⁰When the disciples saw it, they marveled, saying, “How did the fig tree wither at once?”²¹And Jesus answered them, ”Truly, I say to you, if you have faith and do not doubt, you will not only do what has been done to the fig tree, but even if you say to this mountain,’Be taken up and thrown into the sea,’ it will happen. ²²And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith.” -Matthew 21:18-22

Dark and light

Wow. 2011 has been tough. This week has been hard enough on its own.

Family members losing jobs. Friends losing family. People lying in hospital beds. Broken relationships. Beautiful people fighting depression and addiction. That is what has been happening all around me.

And in spite of all of the struggling and pain I have seen in the last eleven months, I have seen so much beauty through it all.

Babies being born and learning to walk. People overcoming their vices. Healing. Faith in spite of fear. Love reaching through brokenness. Restoration. Redemption. Freedom from pain. Peace.

 

It’s amazing to me. Our hearts are constantly being broken and put back together. And it can seem like too much, but somehow things always find a way of turning back toward the light again. Somehow, we overcome. God brings us through. And He is the reason I keep moving and trusting and hoping and loving.

 

And I am being reminded of a verse I’ve been repeating to myself through all of these hard things:

“I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” -Psalm 27:13-14

And you know…I think I am already seeing His goodness. Something in me knows everything is gonna be okay.

Community in Christ

(these seem like random thoughts, and they are, but I promise they make sense together somehow)

My heart is broken and mending. Every day.

This is good. I feel that it’s important to be broken down and rebuilt every once in a while. It is humbling and instructive. And, in the end, it is encouraging to know that this is possible.

I’ve been struggling for a while. I know that God has brought me so far in the last few years. Sometimes, I can hardly remember what it felt like to be the person I was in high school. I am so thankful for all of the things I have learned and the way that God has grown me since then. But I have a long way to go.

Community is something that I had in high school: a group of friends who challenged me in my walk with Christ and made me a better person for it. I could talk to them and work things out. We learned from each other, encouraged each other, loved each other, and pushed each other. Now those friends have been scattered. We are all heading different places in life, and we try to stay in touch, but the last few years haven’t been easy. I feel like we’re growing apart, and I know that’s life, but it doesn’t make it any easier.

Loneliness is my least favorite thing. It messes with my head and my heart and makes me do stupid things. It feels like such a long time I’ve been asking God to bring people into my life that I can connect with: An accountability partner. A mentor. A girlfriend that I can be open and honest with. Everyone is just so busy. We’re all running around like rabbits and it’s hard to connect with someone flying past you to the next thing they have to do, or someone who lives hours away. But I need this. I can feel my heart losing strength. The only reason I have gotten this far without falling is God. He has been faithful and encouraging, even when I have been ungrateful and bitter.

These past few months have been lonely months for me. I have a wonderful, amazing church family that constantly reminds me why I am where I am today. And they are the closest thing I have to a community. I love them so much, and they are such an encouragement and inspiration to me daily. But they are parents and youth mostly, who I love to be with, but don’t quite fit in with. My heart longs for a community of people my age who are hungry for the Lord and hungry for a connection centered on Him. A group of people that do life together every day (not just once a week); who challenge each other, love each other, call each other out, learn from each other, and build each other up.

Maybe it’s that I need to be the person to initiate this community. I just feel lost on how that works. I know that I can’t just sit and wait for an accountability partner to fall into my lap. But I wouldn’t know where to start in finding someone to ask. I have prayed for God to show me the right woman to cultivate a friendship with, and so far I have not felt led to anyone in particular.

I’m sorry to sound like a downer, but this is what’s on my heart. And it’s okay to struggle sometimes, so long as we have our eyes set on Christ. I know that the Lord hears my cries, and He knows my heart. He will not ignore me. In His timing, He is going to do more than I could ask or imagine. He may already be doing so…

For now, I will continue to pray, study His Word, and seek Him daily. He is growing me into the woman He made me to be. I can’t wait to see what the future holds!

It would mean so much to me if you would say a prayer for me. Pray that the Lord would strengthen me and that I would be patient. That He would provide godly people in my life who challenge me to live for Him every single day. Ask that He would bring an accountability partner into my life who I can trust and from whom I can learn and be pushed and encouraged. And pray that He would build a community of believers who glorify His name passionately and wholeheartedly.

Lord, I know that you hear the groaning in my heart that I can’t always put into words. You know what I need, and what relationships will bring glory to Your name. I trust that You have a plan for my life, and I know that Your will will be done in it. Give me patience and strength, Father. Fill me with Your peace, which transcends all understanding. Open my eyes to the people around me. Let my heart not be tempted by worldly desires for love and acceptance, but guide me to Your truth. You have given me so many blessings that I never deserved, and words cannot express the thanks that I have for all You are. You are amazing, faithful, strong, and true. You are my light and my source. I praise You, Lord. Amen.

 

“O Lord, all my longing is before you; my sighing is not hidden from you.” –Psalm 38:9

“He heals the  brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” –Psalm 147:3

To dust: from dust, to dust

I write poetry and
I like it but
People don’t read it
They don’t seem to like it much

I just get cold sometimes
and words are my warmth
they keep my hands from aching
my feet from being frozen

To the ground I am standing on

I was never big on

staying put

my heart just moves
and moves, and moves
almost as quickly as my head

I don’t really go anywhere but

I am never here
always somewhere
else

I guess it’s just my way of living

Because I wouldn’t be
if it weren’t for this thing inside my body telling me:
Keep going…don’t stop.

When you fall down pick your things up
off the floor
even when they break

They are worth something
more than just dead weight
that you carry around like a trophy

Don’t be lonely
you are not the only wanderer

Your feet have friends
they eat the dust that others walked upon
It is all they need to press on

So press on

You can’t see it but
there is a lightness up ahead
the world is dead but you are alive

Thriving and moving and
walking on into something bigger than all this … stuff

And heaviness is a lie
you were told to keep you from flying
Just because they lost sight of who they were

You were more than you’ve been told
and are more than you can know
but it will show if you move

Into unknowns
they expose the sunlight in your skin
the things within you that shine like satellites

You are a star
in a vast sky
And we want to marvel at your light

So be light
and see the things that make you more
listen to the whisper of the hand that pulls you forward

Don’t be afraid of burning out or blowing up
because it all ends the way it began:
in dust

And dust is what you are
and what made you move
feeding the feet inside your shoes

You knew
that this is where you were going all along
and here it is

So keep going…don’t stop

Pick your things up
off the floor
and go Home.

I thought of David writing psalms

And, well, I’m just weak
I admit
I don’t have it all figured out

I try to be strong
to keep a straight face
Be the one to tell myself it’s all ok

But right now I’m just tired
and alone
Loneliness has creeped inside my bones

It’s made a home inside my chest
Where I’ve hidden the best of me

I’m trying to keep it safe for You
But my hands shake
and my bones are soft

I cannot hold on much longer
cannot
cannot be strong anymore

I never could
I never was
It was always You in me

Why does this hurt so much?
How can I have You
and this loneliness

At the same time?

Thoughts from yesterday

God is good.

Even on days that I hear heavy things that break my heart, I know deep down, beneath all the pain, that this is true. And this is what gives me peace. I have seen Him turn the darkest situations into something beautiful. I have known people who made it through impossible things to see the light. I am alive today because of His goodness.

I don’t know why bad things happen. My friend lost her dad today. That breaks my heart. I don’t understand it. But I know that her dad is with God. And I know that he can see the big picture now, and he knows how this will be used for something good. Because it will, somehow.

And I know that my friend and her family are not alone. They have a big group of loving people around them, praying for them. And they have a big God that is with them in this. He knows what it is to mourn for someone you love. He has felt greater pain than any of us ever could. And He is able.

“Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin.  Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” -Hebrews 4:14-16

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” -Psalm 34:18

 

I feel so encouraged today! God is filling me with His peace and reminding me that He is in control and there are amazing things on the horizon.

But not just that! There are beautiful things going on around me right now and I can be a part of them! His story is unfolding every single day and people are returning home. It’s amazing. I want to always be in tune with this…to the very core of my being.

I can’t wait until Passion 2012. It’s going to be amazing. I pray that God would fill every person who steps into that Dome with His spirit and with a fire that won’t go out. This generation is something special. We need to remember who we call our Father – the almighty Creator of the Universe!

Praise God! He is everything we could ever imagine to be holy and righteous and good. He is beyond our wildest dreams and He has amazing things for us. Let’s seek Him everyday without shame or hesitation because He is GOD. Amen!